Wow

Wow, its been over a year since I last posted.

And, in thinking back, its been a very very very very long year.

I’ll have to see about getting back into this.  I’m thinking that I’ll veer away from the constant, political stuff.  I’m not sure thats very good for me.  I might focus more on just writing.


Question: How should I not introduce someone to my product

Me: OK, I think I’ll download DB2 and see whats what.

Me: Here I am at the Download page.  *click* *server error* *repeat a few times*

Me: Poot.  Oh, look, a live customer service rep I can chat with?  How nice.

Customer Service: Waazzup?

Me: Wanna download your toys and play with them.  I clicked here and got a nasty messege.

Customer Service: Oh, ok, looks like that server is down.  Here’s another link which I am able to tell you is also broken at this time.  Try in an hour.

Me: This is thoroughly unimpressive since, at this point, you are still trying to get me to use your product.

Customer Service: Bye!


MY ARMY OF DARKNESS

(I think this is as relevant today as it was when I wrote it so many years ago)

so many of you have know me for several years, and may have heard rumor or remark about the following…but I feel that in the interest of science, clarity, and yes, the FUTURE, it is worth formalizing
Babies.
We are talking about babies here.
Babies are icky squishy things…soft and malleable…on many levels…particularly fresh out of the oven (womb…not a huge difference, as far as I can tell).
So underdone are they, so poppin’ fresh, that their heads are actually like big balls of silly putty and you have to be careful not to touch the skull too heavily or you can cause it to develop in a misshapen manner.
Or…perhaps there’s something interesting there (remember, the people telling you this are the same folks who haven’t cured a good disease in a long time…can you say ‘vested interest’? I knew that you could)
The skull eventually hardens, much like a stale muffin.
But…but what if you started, from day one, to knead the skull? Just tiny squeezes and squishes…like clay. I think that, given time and patience, the skull would simply refuse to ever harden.
No, this is an interesting theory in and of itself…but, most of you are probably thinking “great…then we could have custom skulls and the hat industry would have a whole new branch devoted to non-standard-cranial-configurations”…and both of these are, in fact, true…(I am particularly hopeful of the hat revolution breathing life into the obviously decaying economic infrastructure of New Zealand)…but they are also lacking in subtlety and vision.
The brain, as you know, is comprised of two hemispheres, a couple lobes, all that good stuff…and each of these (the current theory) has a tendency towards particular tasks…one side of the brain being more tuned towards logic and such, the other being more artistic, the language functions have their place (now, lets not forget, the nature of the brain is actually holographic, but I am talking about general tendencies to function).
But what if…what if you could affect the physical configuration of the brain? or, if not directly, then indirectly by rearranging the shape of its casing (a.k.a. the skull)? might you be able to cause some functions to be favored, while others decay and decline.
You might be able to shape an scientist! or an artist! and then they would almost certainly be able to shape greater and better artists and so on!
My vision…to manipulate the skull in such a way as to increase intellect and loyalty, while decreasing the outdated, and unneeded aspects of freewill that an absolute leader detests. Oh, no, not to the general populace…that would be insanity…but children like this…completely unswervingly loyal to their commander…could become the leaders and heroes of a new army! A new paradigm of existence and control and we could sweep across the nation absorbing the weak and foolish in a wave of crimson…my darling sweet Unholy Army Of The Night!!!!
*ahem*
How, oh how could this possibly be accomplished???
Oh, that’s the beauty! It requires but a few things:
Determination…which I have in spades…sperm (oh, yes, I have plenty of sperm…PLENTY of sperm!)…and a series of devoted concubines.
Alas, number 3 is where my plans fall apart.
To that end, I am now accepting applications.
You will have to submit to psychological screening as well as genetic testing.
The contract lasts for approximately 5 years, during which you will remain almost constantly pregnant (my goal is a team of about 15…in 5 years, minus the few needed for experimentation and study (no doubt many will be lost as we explore this new biotechnology) I hope to produce 60-90 progeny…my elite corps, if you will).
Documents turning custody of all progeny over to this program and me will be required.
Should artificial womb technology become available and practical for these purposes, your contract will be ended once a reasonable number of eggs have been extracted.
Payment consists of a small duchy after the revolution, or, baring availability, a large cruise ship.
Please send all inquiries to this email address.
Serious inquiries only.
Offer not valid in North Adams, MA (3rd most inbred area in the US)


Being Straight And Called Nasty Homosexual Slurs Isn’t The Same

What King fails to realize is that when he is called a ‘faggot’ (I’m guessing thats the term used), he isn’t then likely to get beaten up in an alleyway for being gay.
Barney Frank has to take that possibility into account.
The difference between King’s supposed situation and Frank’s is one has a violent threat as its subtext.
Lawmakers trade charges on threats – Jonathan Allen and Jake Sherman – POLITICO.com

Rep. Steve King (R-Iowa), who shouted encouragement to tea party protesters through a megaphone during the weekend, said he had been yelled at last fall by fans at a University of Iowa football game. He would not repeat the words he said were hurled at him but said the tirade was “about sexual orientation” in response to his opposition to same-sex marriage.

“I would think that Barney Frank has a thick skin. I have thick skin. If he doesn’t, I’ll give him thick-skin lessons,” King said.


In line with their other views

Its true, Christianity’s views on sex are as divorced from reality as, well, all its other views.
Rob Asghar: Bristol Palin And The Trouble With Christian Sex

Forget the tired notion that Christians are “against” sex. They’re as wildly for it as anyone; that’s what got Bristol into trouble. Christians simply have an idealized notion of sex and relationships, one that’s increasingly divorced from the reality and the direction of the larger society.


PLEASE BE TRUE!

Source: Pentagon set to ease policy on gays in the military – CNN.com

Defense Secretary Robert Gates is expected to announce changes Thursday easing the Defense Department’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy prohibiting homosexuals from serving openly in the military, a senior Defense Department official has confirmed to CNN.


Republicans: No self-awareness or no shame?

This is a nice little, what, survey of the out-of-touch-with-personal-reality the Republican Party appear to be suffering from.

An open letter to conservatives | AmericanDad’s Blog.


My 7 chapter webcomic from a while back

“I Eat Your Horny Flesh” by Joel Handloff


Sarah Palin: she can do what???

Yes, its true.  She can carry a baby and think at the same time, so long as by ‘think’ you mean ‘not able to answer simple questions about politics’ or maybe ‘able to say anything that isn’t out-and-out self-serving ignorance’.
But yeah, I suppose that makes her a threat then.
What Do Sarah Palin and Jesus Christ Have In Common? – Erick’s blog – RedState

With Palin, a lot of people got it right — she’s a solid Christian, a real agent of change, a threat to the secular left and feminist movement because she can carry a baby and think at the same time, etc.


This isn’t the first time Robertson has blamed victims

I hate posting from Huffington, but this illustrates that Robertson and his ilk (including some from Islam) have often said, during disasters, that people were getting what they deserved.  Let us not be surprised, let us not think this is isolated, let us wake up and call these monsters what they are and recognize that everything these people live for is exactly what people believed in the dark ages

Valerie Tarico: Televangelist Robertson is Likely Possessed by Satan