My Zen Arcade

When I was 11 or 12, I had two comedy albums.  One was by Bill Cosby (it had the Noah bit on it which is still brilliant) and the other was George Carlin’s “A Place For My Stuff” (I think that was the title).

These are two great albums to have, because the illustrate two very different kinds of comedy.  Say what you want about Bill, but he’s a master storyteller.  I mean, how do you beat “Now, I told you that story so I could tell you this one”?

George, however, was very different.  Much more observational, much more out there on the edge (especially back then, and earlier).  Borderline absurdist.

I’m thankful to both these men.  I love comedy.  I love humor.  I love breaking it down and trying to figure it out.  I love the choice of words, the timing, the emphasis.

Everything.

And, to be honest, much of what I do know and understand about comedy I owe to these two men, in some manner or another.

Thanks George.  I’ll miss you.

it should be noted that my feelings towards Scientology aren’t significantly different than my feelings towards any other religion.  The only differences are:

1. Scientology is blatant and shameless in requiring money if you want salvation (most churches try to hide this best they can)
2. Scientology promises super-power (most churches say they have super-powers, but only a few can get them, no matter how hard others may try)
3. Scientology is more than happy to abuse the legal system to keep 1 & 2 secret.

Anyhow, Wikileaks has given the big Fuck You to L. Ron and his abusive crew and published over 500 pages of secret documents comprising the hidden bibles of Scientology (more or less). 

And yes, there are super-powers.  If you can stomach it all, the full documents can be found here

(edit:I have been informed that Cook’s cover of Billie Jean may not have been quite as original as it seems.  Apparently Chris Cornell did a version.  Will have to wait til I get home to listen) 

I’m not that big a fan of American Idol this season, having been completely addicted to it last year.  Part of the problem is that, while all these kids may have fantastic voices, I believe they lack everything else.  For the most part.

Brooke White is a perfect example.  When she’s singing exactly what she knows she should be singing, such as ‘Let It Be’, shes great.  Take her out of that and she’s just some chick up there posing as an artist.  Last night, the theme was “Songs From The Year You Were Born”.  Basically, 80s week (with one exception, I think).  Anyhow, as it turns out, thats the year Synchronicity was released.  Thats as close as you get to a perfect album. 

Guess what song blondie chose.  Yes, its true.  She went with ‘Every Breath You Take’.  Now, thats a REALLY good song, but there’s not a whole lot you can do with it.  It simply is what it is.  You could go all punk on it, I suppose, or you could take the route Brooke did and do a piano thing with it.  Mostly I felt she drained the life out of the song.  Again, not completely her fault.  The song stands on its own, and I have yet to hear a good cover of it.  Further, its about as safe a song as you get.  You can’t really screw it up, but you aren’t going to add anything to it.

OK, sure.  Big hit.  Everyone knows it.  Gets the crowd, easy vocals.  Sure.  Except that the song is completely surrounded by much more interesting music on that album.  She could have taken any of those songs, done a piano arrangement and it would have been special.  Synchronicity II, anyone?  How about an accoustic guitar version of King Of Pain?  Walking In Your Footsteps?  C’mon.  Wanna be really ballsy?  Mrs. Gradenko or Synchronicity I or Mother.

Nope.  Always go for the safe choice.

Except, then someone who knows what they are doing gets on stage, and really fucks your chances of winning (assuming you had any) all to hell and back.

Enter David Cook.  This kid.  I mean, ‘Hello’?  ‘Eleanor Rigby’?  WOW.  And last night, a rocking version of ‘Billie Jean’.  Unreal.  Everyone in back who knows anything about anything should have been packing their bags and just going home.  Anyone left over is either an idiot of a masochist.  Or contractually obligated.

But there you have it.  Pretty much everyone is like Brooke, mildly talented with no real sense of artistry.  And then theirs David. 

OKOK, the marsupial from the penal colony might have a chance if he decides that just being pretty isn’t cutting it.

McCartney ex-wife awarded $48.7M - CNN.com

Former Beatle Paul McCartney was Monday ordered to pay nearly $50M to his estranged wife as their bitter divorce battle came to an end.

But one can only assume that is a very temporary situation.

When your lead singer goes on national TV as a judge on America’s Next Top Band and manages to look roughly as bright as, say, Britney (yeah, Steely Dan is just WAY too progressive), and the next year, they are doing a concert at the EMC conference, one can safely assume that star is on the decline.

Really? I mean…REALLY??? Thats who you are going to cite?
Jeez. If I’d known their standards were even lower than I’d dreamed, I would have started a tabloid years ago.

FOXNews.com - Report: Patrick Swayze Diagnosed With Pancreatic Cancer, Has Five Weeks to Live - Celebrity Gossip | Entertainment News | Arts And Entertainment

“Dirty Dancing” star Patrick Swayze was diagnosed in late January with pancreatic cancer that has spread to other organs and he has five weeks left to live, according to the National Enquirer.

To be fair, at least this really is a ‘thing’, as opposed to pictures taken by a bunch of friends.

Strip club: ‘Idol’ once danced here - Yahoo! News

LOS ANGELES - “American Idol” contestant David Hernandez once entertained audiences by removing his clothes instead of singing tunes, a manager at a male strip club in Phoenix told The Associated Press.
ADVERTISEMENTThe 24-year-old finalist from Glendale, Ariz., once worked as a stripper at Dick’s Cabaret, appearing fully nude and performing lap dances for the club’s “mostly male” clientele, club manager Gordy Bryan said Monday.